I warned you I was allergic to that shampoo, but did you believe me? Oh no, not you, think you know everything, don’t you? Well, now my face is melting, so let’s hear your clever idea for fixing that, Vidal Buffoon!
Your “Gary” has the (echo effect) Jowls of DESSS-tiny, Heather Y.
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Disa-POINTED!!!, Pups
Oregon wine > California wine.
Can we talk about this? Okay. There are some truths that I hold to be self-evident: namely, that no one can deny the hotness of Demi Moore. She is crazy hot. She may be bathing in the blood of virgins, or drinking vanilla extract under the blue moon while standing on her head, or eating Bacon, Lettuce and Kitten sandwiches to maintain this level of hotness, but hot she is. Bravo, Demi.
HOWEVER. I am unclear as to why W has taken a super hot, very successful, grown woman and Photoshopped her until she looks like a waifish, hungry 19 year old who is just waiting tables at Caeser's Palace until she gets her big break. I have seen Demi Moore in person and she looks FANTASTIC, but she looks neither this fragile nor this hungry, and frankly, I am as tired of fragile, hungry-looking cover models as I am of epaulets. She's nearly 50. Surely there is more to highlight about her than an artfully-shadowed clavicle.
Washington, D.C. — Outraged legislators renewed calls for banning human-animal hybrids after researchers at the Frankenstein Institute for Extremely Scary Science announced the creation of a “lambaby.” According to a spokesperson for an angry mob that stormed the Institute, “arghle grumble blaarphle rhubarb rhubarb!”
I have just one word for you, Brynne M.: PASICKIE!
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Primates, Unusual animals
Congratulations to T Shadix, whose winning song parody of Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" earned 34 percent of the vote this week. We're having so much fun with these weekly contests, and we hope you are, too -- judging by the quality of the entries we're getting, you must be. So thank you!
And without further ado, the victorious caption:
"I Kissed A Girl/Missed the Wall"
If you could call a medic
I missed the wall and my thigh's hit
I hope Sears will refund it
It felt so wrong
To drill so quite
Close to my innards tonight
I missed the wall, ow my right hip
My right hip.
-- T Shadix
See you on Friday with a new challenge.
And without further ado, the victorious caption:
"I Kissed A Girl/Missed the Wall"
This guy at Sears whose name was Stan
Sold me a Craftsman
I got so drunk, drill in hand
Lost my direction
It's not what, I aimed for
Just wanna hang a pic
I'm feeling blue 'cause I've
Drilled through my small intestine
If you could call a medic
I missed the wall and my thigh's hit
I hope Sears will refund it
It felt so wrong
To drill so quite
Close to my innards tonight
I missed the wall, ow my right hip
My right hip.
-- T Shadix
See you on Friday with a new challenge.
I feel like I'm the only person who hasn't really warmed up to NBC's Community. It keeps getting these slavish reviews, but in my -- admittedly limited -- viewings, the number of times I've laughed are outweighed by the moments in which I've realized I was boredly staring off into space, and had to say, "Wait, what's going on? I zoned out." I think it's because the show in part revolves around the assumption that the Joel McHale character is the kind of charming rogue who can make you love him even when he's being a douche, and in fact, I just think he's a smug asshat most of the time. ANYWAY. I'm sure I will eat those words in a few weeks, because that usually happens to me.
Let me endeavor to write words that will NOT become my dinner:
I do not think Community's Gillian Jacobs made a stellar choice here. The dress might be made of the most expensive fabric woven from unicorn hair, black pearls, and the tears of a clown, but it photographs like it's shiny construction paper. And I can't decide if the epaulets are TOO Liza Minnelli, just Liza Minnelli ENOUGH, or merely the shards of David Gest's wedding toupee in search of a new purpose. It's a lot to feel at once.
Let me endeavor to write words that will NOT become my dinner:
I do not think Community's Gillian Jacobs made a stellar choice here. The dress might be made of the most expensive fabric woven from unicorn hair, black pearls, and the tears of a clown, but it photographs like it's shiny construction paper. And I can't decide if the epaulets are TOO Liza Minnelli, just Liza Minnelli ENOUGH, or merely the shards of David Gest's wedding toupee in search of a new purpose. It's a lot to feel at once.
Stephanie Jacobsen is on the shockingly watchable new Melrose Place as the Med Student Who Pays The Bills With Prostitution (not a spoiler, since she turned to the oldest profession in the pilot). And she is much prettier than this:
That dress is a very, very sad sack. It could even be an ugly shirt over a mini-skirt. All I know is, she has no business wearing a glorified lobster bib to a party unless her date is a man-sized crustacean.
She also needs to learn a thing or two about short skirts and posing. This is safe for work, so no fear:
Of course, it's safe for work ONLY by the grace of whatever higher power you believe takes an interest in such things. I felt, looking at these photos, like I do whenever I watch a figure-skating routine after the kid has already fallen: I'm wincing, I'm tense every time the person takes off on another jump, I scrunch up my face in anticipation of CERTAIN DOOM, and I sit there going, "Oh, this probably is NOT going to end well." What can I say? I have empathy. Also, I've seen Ice Castles. When she fell SHE WENT BLIND. Fortunately Stephanie Jacobsen is not at risk of going blind if she bends too far backward and her Melrose pops out, unless of course the aforementioned deity in charge of clothing becomes furious and strikes her retinas with lightning. But STILL. She might want to take care. Especially if she believes in that particular deity.
That dress is a very, very sad sack. It could even be an ugly shirt over a mini-skirt. All I know is, she has no business wearing a glorified lobster bib to a party unless her date is a man-sized crustacean.
She also needs to learn a thing or two about short skirts and posing. This is safe for work, so no fear:
Of course, it's safe for work ONLY by the grace of whatever higher power you believe takes an interest in such things. I felt, looking at these photos, like I do whenever I watch a figure-skating routine after the kid has already fallen: I'm wincing, I'm tense every time the person takes off on another jump, I scrunch up my face in anticipation of CERTAIN DOOM, and I sit there going, "Oh, this probably is NOT going to end well." What can I say? I have empathy. Also, I've seen Ice Castles. When she fell SHE WENT BLIND. Fortunately Stephanie Jacobsen is not at risk of going blind if she bends too far backward and her Melrose pops out, unless of course the aforementioned deity in charge of clothing becomes furious and strikes her retinas with lightning. But STILL. She might want to take care. Especially if she believes in that particular deity.
NICOLE KIDMAN: That's right, bitches! THE RED HAIR IS BACK.
KEITH URBAN: Can't see from my facial expression how relieved I am by this development?
NICOLE: Can't you see from MY facial expression that I know how HOT I look? And please, can it with all the "you don't HAVE facial expressions, Nicole" comments. I'M JUST SERENE IN MY TITIAN HOTNESS.
KEITH: Can't you see from my facial expression that I'm stoked that tonight's outfit didn't require chestal-waxing?
NICOLE: Can't we stop talking about you? And focus on ME?
KEITH: Yes, honey. Trust me, we're all glad you're back.
Heeerrrrrre, birdie, birdie, birdie. At some point, you’re going to need a drink of this niiiice water I brought you. Maybe not in the next minute, maybe not in the next hour. But I’ve got alllllll day, boys, and you’re the only thing on my calendar.
The early cat gets the bird, Karen M.
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Birds, Danger, I'm Going To Eat You, Kittens
For those vets out there who don't know what to say today, let's see your old boot photos and pass this one around. Can't be more embarrasing than mine...
I wasn't much of a sailor, but I did serve my country for years. Cheers to those of who gave our time, our service and in so many cases their lives for our country.
I wasn't much of a sailor, but I did serve my country for years. Cheers to those of who gave our time, our service and in so many cases their lives for our country.
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Paula Patton is pregnant.
Pretty pinafore, Paula, but please ponder putting your plentiful pregnancy peaches in a potentially roomier place. Your pectoral plethora is pouring out profusely.
Pretty pinafore, Paula, but please ponder putting your plentiful pregnancy peaches in a potentially roomier place. Your pectoral plethora is pouring out profusely.
This dress on Christina Ricci is a prime example of something that, for whatever reason, triggered a weird mental association for me and now I can't judge it on its own merits.
First, I thought the sparkly strip looked like the silhouette of a bejewelled bra being flung through the air. Then it evoked the stripe of glitter that appears somewhere different on Mariah Carey's body in every scene of Glitter (because that movie is a bastion of subtlety). And now all I can think of is That F'ing Movie, with horrible Max Beesley playing her love interest and the terrible acting and boring, boring story that's not even FUN-bad but rather merely BAD-bad, except for that one hilarious scene where the video director says, "Is she black? Is she white? I don't know. I need to see more of her breasts." Which I guess brings me back to the bra imagery. Thank you, Glitter, for bringing me full circle at least, even if I can't get back those two hours of my life.
None of which helps me evaluate this.
First, I thought the sparkly strip looked like the silhouette of a bejewelled bra being flung through the air. Then it evoked the stripe of glitter that appears somewhere different on Mariah Carey's body in every scene of Glitter (because that movie is a bastion of subtlety). And now all I can think of is That F'ing Movie, with horrible Max Beesley playing her love interest and the terrible acting and boring, boring story that's not even FUN-bad but rather merely BAD-bad, except for that one hilarious scene where the video director says, "Is she black? Is she white? I don't know. I need to see more of her breasts." Which I guess brings me back to the bra imagery. Thank you, Glitter, for bringing me full circle at least, even if I can't get back those two hours of my life.
None of which helps me evaluate this.
The piano is my forte, and I love to lie down in it,
It suits my laid-back at-etude, I don’t care how you spinet.
When I’m keyed up, can’t stay upright, life’s tempo gets too taxing,
I lie for just a minuet, and presto! I’m relaxing.
I’m never too Bizet to take a nap where notes are rolling,
When melodies float like the breeze, this console’s quite consoling.
So play whatever song you like; Chopsticks to Clair de Lune-a,
For where there’s a piano, I expect piano tuna.
We all octave a kitty like that, Kristina V.
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Kittens
I’ve been trying to look more evil and less snuggley, I swear. And yes, I’ll try to grow into my paws faster. Look, I know I have a lot to live up to, but I’m trying. Really. Please, I can’t sit in these Smurf undergarments any longer.
Azrael, a little help here?
Papa Smurf had a big ass, Sandy S.
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged: Pups
I am a 30-year-old woman, married for five years to a man eight years my senior. Lately I have become more aware that I am turned on by the idea of bondage, specifically men locked up in chastity devices. I am ashamed of myself, because it seems, well, pretty perverse and disturbed.
My husband is a pretty dominant alpha-male type. I am a relatively dominant personality, but I’m a bit submissive around him in order to keep the peace, as he will not tolerate any disagreement in certain situations. So I am wondering: Is this new fetish springing from ...
My husband is a pretty dominant alpha-male type. I am a relatively dominant personality, but I’m a bit submissive around him in order to keep the peace, as he will not tolerate any disagreement in certain situations. So I am wondering: Is this new fetish springing from ...
This is Sophie Falkiner. The best I can figure it out, she is an Australian model who plays the Vanna White role on the Australian Wheel of Fortune. (For some reason, I assumed Vanna White was Vanna White in every Wheel of Fortune EVER, although that is obviously not possible due to the rules of time and space, so this blows my mind.)
In keeping with that, I have a puzzle for her:
W_F ARE Y_U WEARI_G? _H H_ _ EY, _ _
In keeping with that, I have a puzzle for her:
W_F ARE Y_U WEARI_G? _H H_ _ EY, _ _
Somewhere in the enclaves of Malibu, Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife is looking at this picture and composing an enraged statement about it on her Blackberry, to be sent to US Weekly at her earliest convenience (aka, as soon as she finishes writing it).
It surely says something along the lines of, "I can't BELIEVE LeAnn would wear those incredibly hideous tights when she knows that I have those same hideous tights myself. She's obviously stalking me and I plan to file for another restraining order. By the way, did I ever mention that Eddie has three nipples. HE DOES. HE DESERVES THAT THIRD NIPPLE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT'S THE MARK OF THE DEVIL. THE CHEATING DEVIL! BURN HIM! BURN HER! BURN THEM ALL! BURN THE WITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
(I mean, the tights ARE seriously bad -- especially with LeAnn's hideous open-toed clodhoppers -- but really I'm just relieved to have found myself an opportunity to point out that Ex-Mrs Cibrian truly has released more angry statements to the press about her failed marriage than any wronged woman, ever. I mean, I feel you, girl. Infidelity is as ugly as that outfit. And these two have been irritatingly and publicly smug. But what I'm really trying to say is that revenge is a dish best served cold and IN NEAR SILENCE. When they both awake to find their shampoo has been replaced by Nair and their body lotion with self-tanner, you need PLAUSIBLE DENIABLITY. You know what I mean? Ahem.)
It surely says something along the lines of, "I can't BELIEVE LeAnn would wear those incredibly hideous tights when she knows that I have those same hideous tights myself. She's obviously stalking me and I plan to file for another restraining order. By the way, did I ever mention that Eddie has three nipples. HE DOES. HE DESERVES THAT THIRD NIPPLE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT'S THE MARK OF THE DEVIL. THE CHEATING DEVIL! BURN HIM! BURN HER! BURN THEM ALL! BURN THE WITCHES!!!!!!!!!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
(I mean, the tights ARE seriously bad -- especially with LeAnn's hideous open-toed clodhoppers -- but really I'm just relieved to have found myself an opportunity to point out that Ex-Mrs Cibrian truly has released more angry statements to the press about her failed marriage than any wronged woman, ever. I mean, I feel you, girl. Infidelity is as ugly as that outfit. And these two have been irritatingly and publicly smug. But what I'm really trying to say is that revenge is a dish best served cold and IN NEAR SILENCE. When they both awake to find their shampoo has been replaced by Nair and their body lotion with self-tanner, you need PLAUSIBLE DENIABLITY. You know what I mean? Ahem.)
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cuteoverload : You Could’ve Listened, But Nooooooo… [+0] - brucix : (no subject) [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Fug the Cover: Demi Moore [+0]
- cuteoverload : Break Out the Pitchforks and Torches! [+8]
- go_fug_yourself : Freaky Fug Friday: Winner [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Fugmmunity [+1]
- go_fug_yourself : Stephanie Fugcobsen [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Well Played, Nicole Kidman [+0]
- blueberryjoe : (no subject) [+9]
- cuteoverload : Oh, I’ll Wait [+0]
- sabrina_pandora : Veteran's meme- show your colors! [+64]
- softerworldfeed :
A Softer World: 499 [+6]
- go_fug_yourself : Byrdie Fug [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Paula Fugton [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Fug or Fab: Christina Ricci [+0]
- cuteoverload : Kitten in the Keys [+0]
- cuteoverload : Gargamel’s New Pet [+1]
- savagelove : Features: Savage Love:November 11, 2009 [+11]
- go_fug_yourself : Sophie Fuglkiner [+0]
- go_fug_yourself : Can't Fug the Moonlight [+0]